I was going to post this photo with a neat little idea and story attached to it.
I seem to have accidentally erased all the photos on the camera. Effin' A.
It wasn't really authentic anyway, at this moment my thoughts are far away. Jealously comparing myself to another blog I just read. The writer is just really good, REALLY good, she nails it with every post. I wish I could write like that.
The only way I can really do it is just blurt out something really quickly and disengage from the computer pronto. If I tried to make it perfect-er I'd never write anything, ever. And that is an option, and maybe it's the right one. But plunging blindly ahead is kind of working for me, strangely enough. These past few years I've just been trying out stuff, trying to not feel too keenly the shame and embarassment that comes from failing in front of folks, or not operating at quite the level where I wish I was. And some stuff works out, and some stuff doesn't. I get myself into scrapes, I get myself into pickles. But more stuff happens, I meet more people, and I have more fun. So next time you find yourself wondering why I didn't hold off on this blog for a few years until I polished up my grammar skills, you'll know why. Here I am, flailing around in plain view for all to see. Ergh indeed. And yippee.
And as far as comparing myself to other folks who do great work in one area or another, I'd really love to learn how to just enjoy their contribution to the world and not (oh so very self-centeredly) have it cause me to go into a very old habit of despising myself. This quote from Joan Borysenko's Fire in the Soul which I just read sums it all up nicely and was quite a revelation for me when I read it a few weeks ago. This is a big idea for me and one I plan to have fully digested by the end of 2010. Right-o.
"On the one hand, each of us is unique, an individual who has not yet existed previously, clearly different from all other persons. On the other, however, clearly different does not mean better, more beautiful, ahead of the competition, but rather simply other, unique, "just as I am", clearly differentiated from every other. Precisely when this uniqueness is not combined with haughtiness and pride, community is possible both with other persons and with the newness developing out of one's own soul. But if we base our uniqueness on the devaluation of other persons, we are taking an isolating attitude that destroys community. I am placing myself apart from the community with people because I reject being like them and instead always want to be better and more beautiful. This isolation leads to loneliness, then to anxiety, and finally to the ever greater need to be better and more outstanding. This is a vicious circle that leads to the collapse of healthy, natural community." Theodor Seifert