Oof I'm just feeling awful today. They say depression is always the result of an unexpressed emotion but what's unexpressed? I'm telling you right now that I feel wretched. Just one of those days, or few-day-long stretches, where my main feeling is I. Just do not want. To be here. Right now. I just need to check in to the MaMa Spa for some sort of two day extravaganza of movie watching, mud baths, and people telling me they find me fascinating and brilliant and did I mention good looking, all day long. Oh well. I know. It doesn't exist. It can only exist within me, I gots to go deep inside and find all that love and care and approval inside me, or the fix will never stick.... gosh darn it all to heck.
So right now I think I'm being smart.... just doing my work and hanging in. It's interesting.... yes a lot of the time you'll hit on that one perfect thing that just jolts you out of your bad mood in a really spectacular splashy way. But sometimes it's just like you're in a valley, and the only way to get up to the peaks again is to keep moving. I'm doing my gratitudes, that always helps. Meditating. Breathing in fresh, sunshiny air. Keeping things flowing.... responding to emails, setting things in motion... that's always good. I have been writing a screenplay and I have a commitment to write three pages a day (shh, don't tell anyone... it's kind of a secret) so I'm plugging away at that. Anyway, all that good stuff and I'm still grumpy. If I stumble on something that really works for abolishing sour moods I'll let you know (and will maybe make myself a million dollars) but until then, forward, march!